I couldn’t leave, but didn’t want to stay. The ice cream was nice, and so was the lounge chair in the shade. I had a nice nap and I’m not hungry. I’ve got the weekend to myself and could literally do whatever I like.
I’m seated at my machine, organizing and feeling the joy of control… but something sits just below my chest. Sure, my stomach is still a little weird but that’s not it. It’s… over.
The job I desperately wanted and endeavored to enjoy each day. The community we built and gave so much of ourselves to…gone. Where can I put these feelings? There’s no one here to share them with, which, I suppose is for the best as all I can yet muster is a rambled muss.
I’ll grab a burger in a few minutes, drink some wine, and play some cards. I’ll insulate and distract myself for a while but on Monday… It will still be over.
“Penny wise and pound foolish.” Nailed it.
How long do I wait? Do I expect some mythical force to generate a sense of urgency for our district? How to help them see how far they have to go?
Do I serve a system like this? Do I give myself for it’s good? What do I need to see and receive and feel in order to make that sacrifice worthwhile? Am I to go without so that some students and families can be made whole and finally be served by a system that doesn’t even see them now?
Is Gizmo running away? Is running away okay? Am I kidding myself by thinking I’ll keep my foot in the door by this leave of absence? Do I want to keep my foot in the door? Will I be able to know that things are moving forward if I’m playing with Robots in CDA?
A bit dramatic, to be sure… but damn it sometimes the random iTunes selections really capture a feeling.
I have a lot to give, and I’m optimistic that very quickly I’ll return ready to give it and pour my excitement into experiences that are great for kids. But right now?